>> Friday, January 14, 2011
How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack by Chuck Sambuchino
Publisher: Ten Speed Press
Publication Date: 2010
The Short Version:
Survival guide for when those insidious little critters go on the attack and they WILL go on the attack.
Why I Read It:
Hello??? THIS is in my back yard!!
The opening line: “Keep reading if you want to live.”
Part 1: Assess your level of risk. Learn how to identify suspicious activity and be on the lookout for signs of gnomish communication. (mini crop circles?)
Part 2: Protect your home and yourself. Learn how to gnomeproof your home inside and out. Hint: get a “Big %&*! Dog”. Also, don’t stick your hand in the mailbox without checking first.
Part 3: Defend yourself and your home from an attack. This includes such useful information as “practice rising from bed in attack mode”. Also part of this section is an extensive analysis of their weaponry and yours. Metal garden rakes and pitchforks are essential, but landmines and flamethrowers are on the not recommended list.
Part 4: Apply what you have learned. Putting it all together to successfully survive and of course, where and how best to dispose of gnomes in without unleashing them on yet another unsuspecting potential victim.
This was a fun way to spend a short time. When I saw this book on display last fall I just knew I had to get it for The Hubster’s Christmas stocking. He wanted a garden gnome for our backyard for a long time and although we searched the various yard and garden shops in our area, we couldn’t find one he liked. We ended up ordering it online. I actually think it’s kind of cute and our dearly departed cat Tequila used to sit out there next to it on summer afternoons. I think they were buds because they had the same number of brain cells. Tequila was a great cat, but not a bright boy.
But I digress. I need to get back to the book. It’s hilarious. This was pure fun and silliness with a great wit all the way through. It takes itself seriously with a huge dose of tongue firmly in cheek. I loved all the suggested ways to defend and fight against little ceramic creatures. I giggled all the way through it even though at 106 pages it’s an incredibly quick read.
The photos accompanying the text are just as amusing as the ‘how to’ itself. Seriously pick it up, start to page through and you’ll find yourself going ahead and reading it from cover to cover.
*** Note to the editor of this book: ‘Hoard’ and ‘Horde’ do not mean the same thing. You made the wrong choice of homonym all six times. Obviously it was annoying enough that I counted.
But for the rest of you, try to ignore that incorrect homonym and just enjoy the book. It’s fun.